Do you remember Maturation Class
What about the boys??? Among the giggles and uncomfortable topics, they were stuck wondering what the the girls leaned!! It MUST have been way different because all the girls were acting strange and wouldn’t discuss it above a low whisper to the other girls.
So on both sides… with this, also came an unspoken assumption that we were not supposed to discuss it, especially between boys and girls. There MUST have been a reason we were separated right? They don’t know about us, we don’t know about them and that’s the way it is!
We'll talk about internal anatomy as well but first... Women can have 3 different types of orgasm; Vaginal Orgasm which is stimulation on the inside (different levels as well as different parts of the vaginal canal can trigger orgasm). Clitoral Orgasm which is direct stimulation on the outside and Blended Orgasm which is a combination between internal and external stimulation at the same time. The Blended Orgasm is commonly reached with bedroom accessories (toys) during solo play, foreplay and/or couples play.
"Our sexual health is just as important as our physical health"
Do you remember 5th grade maturation class?? When the boys were herded into one classroom and the girls into another?! What are some of the things that you remember besides the personal hygiene & uncomfortable giggles? Menstruation for the girls, the use of pads, hair in new places and information about hormones right?
Then we get to Jr High and learn a little more in Sex Ed class. What did we learn about this go around?
Fallopian tubes! Two symmetrical little egg with tubes curving downward (you can visualize it right?... and every time you see the dodge symbol you realize how close they are in resemblance and it takes you back to braces and the awkward teenage years!)
Now what if… What if we had never learned about the fallopian tubes, if we never knew they even existed??
– We’d be just fine, nothing bad would happen! It’s a part of our bodies that are important but if we hadn’t learned about them in Jr High??… our life would not be over!
Did you learn something new?
What about the clitoris?? An organ far more important to most people’s future lives and enjoyment!! It was always mysteriously missing from those sex ed diagrams.
Although some people debate its existence… what about the G-spot?? It is REAL and stimulating it… can lead to heady sexual pleasure! Where was THAT in all the diagrams?? The clitoris and the G-spot are the Holy Grail of female sexual pleasure. Rich in nerve endings and a crucial parts of a fulfilling sex life! When stimulated the right way, they can cause all sorts of ‘good behavior awards’ for your partner!!
You may have heard "Don't touch that, it'll fall off"... or when you ask questions and were told "we'll talk about it when you're older". I'd like to think that this meant it was something exciting and that it was a right of passage to learn about it when we were older but somehow never got a straight answer as to what age was "older". Until that magical time arrived apparently it wasn't open for discussion.
Aside from the flash back here let's first discuss the anatomy... I'd like you to think about how you refer to the genitals with children. I'm not sure what culture, time period or group decided that "vagina" and "penis" needed to be replaced with code words. (PS, we all have one or the other so it's not a secret) I'm sure that you know someone that is an elementary school teacher and if you ask them some of the things kids tell them, I can guarantee that kids tell their teachers WAY more than you would think... kids love to talk & they spend the majority of their day with their teachers! Teachers hear all kinds of things at all sorts of times. Sometimes they are busy working on something, correcting papers or bringing everyone in from recess. We also know that kids tend to talk through the busy times and we are all guilty of "half listening" and nodding giving them the impression that we heard them loud and clear, right?!
So with children telling their teachers all about their day and spilling their guts about important as well as not so important information, I have two scenarios for you to think about... A child walks up to their teacher and says "Mrs. Jones, my uncle touched my cookie and then told me to go to bed" or "Mrs. Jones, my uncle touched my vagina and then told me to go to bed". Which scenario do you think would raise concern? If Mrs. Jones was understandably busy or even if she wasn't the first scenario could be brushed off as the fact that this little girl loves her cookies and is clearly upset she was sent to bed without one.... Please, let's all agree that using the correct words for the genitalia is far from wrong or dirty and could save us all from a lot of misunderstanding regarding sex and our bodies!
Sex Basics 101 for ADULTS
The difficulty with the way sex ed is generally taught… hits home when, in high school, you realize how drivers ed is taught. Drivers Ed is an extremely practical class that everyone needs to complete to be a good, safe and responsible driver. What if Drivers Ed was taught the same way Sex Ed was taught?? Do you think we would have very safe and responsible drivers?!
Back in the day
In order to talk sex ed we need to start at the very beginning... WAY back!
You may hear stories now of when you were a kid asking your parents about body parts, why Billy didn't have a "cookie" and why he had a "turtle".
I hope that you have learned at least one thing new! I would love to hear your input and additional questions so please write them down and contact me.
FEMALE SEXUAL ANATOMY (very different from reproductive anatomy)
External stimulation can be the key to unlocking more orgasms and a better understanding of the female sexual anatomy. The term “Vulva” encompasses all the external genital area for women.
This includes the Vaginal Opening, the Labia (the ‘lips’ of the vagina) that are packed with nerve ending to increase arousal when stimulated. As well as the Clitoris –the small yet SUPER important part of a woman’s anatomy. Studies have shown that there are more than double the amount of nerve endings in the tiny pea sized hot spot of the clitoris than in the entire penis… Are you grasping it’s importance??!
If you think of your vaginal canal kind of like a cylinder, the first 1/3 of the vaginal canal is where the vast majority of internal nerve endings are clustered together. This is also where the G- spot is located. Now like I mentioned earlier… a lot of men AND women wonder if the G-spot exists. Every female has a G-spot. If you stick your finger out to do the “come here” motion, then keep your finger in a slight hook… if you put that in, your G-spot is about 2-3 inches in, up toward your belly button.
Now, if you or your partner are trying to find it, it feels more like a spongy tissue and ranges in size. A lot of women say, that when it’s stimulated they get the sensation that they have to pee… this is a good indication that you’re in the right spot. Because it’s located between the vaginal canal and the bladder.
The g-spot is sometimes referred to as the urethral sponge. Fluid can build in these glands during sexual stimulation and may be released during climax. While some women don’t notice it, some may release enough fluid that they DO notice it… this is female ejaculation and the chemicals are completely different from that of urine.
Realizing the placement of the g-spot may help shed light as to why some women enjoy anal sex… it’s a more direct shot toward the G-spot. Along with that area being rich in nerve endings particularly the perineum or perinea (the external area between the vaginal opening and the anal opening). There are thousands of nerve endings which make stimulation, vibration and pressure erogenous for both men and women.
MALE SEXUAL ANATOMY
Most people think that because it’s all hanging out there, guys know everything about their bodies. But men are usually only encouraged to look at themselves in a competitive way. We tend to take what we get, and don’t bother to look for possible points of pleasure unless they are immediately apparent. Although the male anatomy might appear pretty straightforward, even the most well-versed woman could use a refresher course in male sexual anatomy.
The penis itself has 3 main “hot spots”. The Glands which is the head of the penis. The Frenulum which is the small fold of skin, rich in sensitive nerve endings where the glands meet the shaft (right below the head). And the shaft which is the length of the penis and varies from man to man. To put any assumptions at rest… penises of any size can successfully stimulate a woman sexually.
Men can have two types of orgasm. Penile Orgasm and Prostate Orgasms.
Penile Orgasms are the ones that are most familiar… The prostate
is a walnut sized gland that can be discovered through anal
stimulation. Men also have the perineum area which is between
the testicles and the anal opening…again stimulation and
vibration on the outside can also be erogenous for men.
You can imagine showing up for class (there would most definitely NOT be a student driver car)… and the teacher would say. “Welcome to drivers ed. If you’ll direct your attention to the diagram of a manual car on the left… and the diagram of an automatic truck on the right. Two VERY different diagrams… but the main thing you need to know is that driving can be very, VERY dangerous, so don’t drive. Just don’t do it – Until you’re married! (at which point you assume that it’s like magic and you’ll miraculously know everything you need to know about driving!)
By the time you get married you’ll have a better understanding of the way things work and will be more mature to know how to start the vehicle, where the gas pedal is and ALL the electronic buttons that can do all sorts of amazing things!!
If you absolutely INSIST on driving, you need to wear your seat belt… EVERY time!”
–later that day you overhear that you can Google “how to” on buckling up or find a
YouTube video showing you how… Class would be dismissed and your driver’s
education would be considered complete.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there needs to be more ‘hands on’ in Sex Ed.
Just a better understanding between reproductive anatomy and sexual anatomy…
ESPECIALLY for adults.
Plenty of virgins and people who are abstinent sill achieve orgasm, or want to. Learning about sex doesn’t mean you’ll rush right out and practice… But being well-informed means you’re more likely to make safe, healthy choices, and be comfortable enough to communicate and to enjoy the experience.
People come in all shapes and sizes… There is no right or wrong when it comes to genitalia. The reproductive anatomy is valuable information that we all need to know. The sexual anatomy is important to understand as well. This is where there is much variation and more importantly, these areas are where we derive pleasure.
A lot of us grew up knowing or thinking that sex is a topic not to discuss… It’s always seemed so closed… all the way back to maturation class. Of course we had questions and may have searched for answers... I understand that for many adults there was no such thing as Google or YouTube back in the days we went through Sex Ed. So it boiled down to friends of friends telling you what they overheard someone whispering to someone else and that they thought they heard something about sex!
Communication about sexuality and sexual wellness is a topic that should NOT be taboo… after all how do we expect to catch the early stages of breast cancer if everyone has been taught that you shouldn’t explore your body.The top 2 reasons for arguments in a relationship are sex and finances. So more education and information can be helpful to all ages!
Even if your sex life is fantastic, there is always room for increased satisfaction… things don’t have to be bad to get better!
In THE SURGEON GENERAL’S CALL TO ACTION
-TO PROMOTE SEXUAL HEALTH AND RESPONSIBLE SEXUAL BEHAVIOR
it says: It is necessary to appreciate what sexual health is… that it is connected with both
physical and mental health, AND that it is important throughout the entire lifespan…
not just the reproductive years.
It is also important to recognize the responsibilities that individuals and
communities have in protecting sexual health. The responsibility of
well-informed adults, as educators and role models for children cannot be
overstated.
We need to understand that sexuality encompasses more than sexual behavior. The
many aspects of sexuality include not only the physical, but the mental and spiritual as
well. And that sexuality is a fundamental part of human life.
While the problems usually associated with sexual behavior are real and need to be addressed… human sexuality also has significant meaning and value in every individual’s life.